Time for a little fun!

Since I’m known as the guy who gets prospects to “apply” to become clients, I thought I would share an “Application to Date My Daughter.” Unfortunately, I don’t know who originally wrote this, but it’s great. A friend of mine sent this to me because I have two daughters. Thankfully my daughters aren’t dating yet! I haven’t had to use this, but I might just keep it around for future use. Here it is:

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_________________________  DATE OF BIRTH_________ ____

HEIGHT_____  WEIGHT________  IQ__________  GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #__________ _  DRIVERS LICENSE #___________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________

HOME ADDRESS______________ CITY/STATE_________  ZIP______

Do you have parents?                         ___Yes  ___No

Number of years they have been married ___________________________

If less than your age, explain
_____________________________________________________________

A. Do you own or have access to a van?         __Yes  __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?      __Yes  __No

C. A waterbed?   __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?      __Yes  __No

E. A  tattoo?     __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,                __Yes  __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
_________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?

_________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?

_________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________

How often you attend ___ ____________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_______________________________________________________

C: A woman ’s place is in the:

_____________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

___________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

__________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

__________________________     _____________________
Mother’s Signature                                       Father’s Signature
________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi/State Representative/Congressman

Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.  (you might watch your back)

———————————————-
What questions would you add to this application? Feel free to post them in the comments!

#10. “My work cut my hours”

#9. “May pay week is off this month”

#8. “I’ve been really sick this past week”

#7. “The bank mailed the check to the wrong address”

#6. “My daughter got married and I had to pay for the wedding”

#5. “My brother passed away”

#4. “My car was stolen”

#3. “My nephew was shot in the head and we had to pull the plug on him this past weekend”

#2. “Someone hit me across both knees with a baseball bat at work and I’ve been in the hospital”

#1. “I fell over a wheelchair at work and hit my head. I was in a coma the last few days.”
I absolutely love #2! I have wonder where the tenant works?

Do you have any funny reasons to add to the list? If so, add them in the comments section!

Post by Rob Minton   
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All of the media attention to the Swine Flu, or whatever they are calling it now, has reminded me of a very embarrassing showing I had several years ago. I can't believe I'm going to share this story. I still shudder when I think about it. Here goes…

It was the middle of February and it was cold here in Ohio. I had an appointment set on a Sunday to show an investment property to some very good clients. These clients had purchased three investment properties with me previously, which simply meant they were extremely important to me. I always went out of my way for my best clients.

The Friday before the showing, I started to feel a little sick. By Saturday morning, I was throwing up, had a fever and was completely miserable. My wife told me to reschedule the showing appointment for later in the week so that I could stay home in bed. I didn't listen.

To avoid lockbox problems, I had a rule to always arrive at my showing appointments early. You've probably had the pleasure of fumbling around for 20 minutes trying to open a lockbox while your client stands there waiting. Well, I learned to eliminate this awkward situation by always being early. It's hard to look like an expert, when you can't open a stupid lockbox.

On this particular showing, the lockbox opened with ease. I decided to walk through the home on my own because it was vacant. After about a two minutes in the home, I instantly felt like I was going to be sick. I ran to the bathroom and you can figure out what happened. I was so thankful that I had been early until I tried to flush the toilet.

I reached over to push the toilet handle down and nothing happened. I tried again and nothing happened. Then I realized the horror of all horrors – the pipes were frozen in the home.

Ah – oh….

I had just completely destroyed this toilet and had now way to hide the destruction. You can probably imagine that the bathroom didn't smell very good. I began to panic because my clients were supposed to arrive any minute. What was I going to do?

I quickly closed the bathroom door and went to peak out the window. They were just pulling into the driveway. I had to run with the situation because I had no time.

I welcomed them and we began to walk through the home. Within minutes, they asked:

"What's that horrible smell?"

My reply: "It was like that when I got here. I think something happened in the bathroom. I'll call the listing office to let them know." Yes, I lied and I would probably lie again today if in the same situation. You probably would too!

My clients never attempted to enter the bathroom. We laughed about it and exited the home. On the drive home, I was thinking of what I was going to tell the listing agent when he called. I didn't have the courage to call him. I was certain he would hear about this sooner or later. He would probably want to know who did this and would go through the showing log to find out. I pictured him telling my story to his office and everyone having a big laugh at my expense. I imagined being teased every time I setup future showing appointments. "You're not going to blow up this home's bathroom, are you?"

Thankfully he never called.

Here are a few lessons from my showing:

1. If you're at a vacant home and need to use the bathroom, test the toilet first.
2. Don't try and show homes if you get the Swine Flue. Reschedule your appointments.
3. Always listen to your wife. She does know best.
4. Keep some air freshener with you for all showing appointments.