My Favorite Commercial & An Embarrassing Story

This commercial makes me laugh every time I watch it:

I think the reason I love this commercial so much is because I’m one of those guys. I’ve been to the urgent care and hospital so many times because of stupid stuff like this. Here’s a brief summary of my hospital visits…

1. When I was eight years old, I held on to the back of my buddy’s bike while skateboarding down a large hill to see how fast I could go. This stunt led to a 3-day hospital stay with a fractured skull, concussion, and my first broken collar bone! (No, I didn’t have helmet on!)

2. Soon after returning home from the hospital from my head injury, I designed a new game with my friends. The game was called “batockey.” We played hockey in the middle of the street with baseball bats and a tennis ball. We didn’t have hockey sticks. I took a bat to the mouth and ended up with a few fake teeth. Yes, the root canals hurt like hell, but I have one hell of a smile!

3. When I was eleven I broke my collar bone (for the second time) trying to do a new BMX bike jump. The jump was strategically placed near a busy 4-lane road so everyone could see how cool I was. It seemed to make sense at the time. Needless to say, I didn’t stick the landing and had to wear a reverse bra for two months until my collar bone healed again. I just missed getting hit by a car after my crash, too! The ambulance picked me up on the side of the road. Apparently the lady who almost hit me called the ambulance because I was unconscious for a few minutes. Just needed a little nappy.

4. I broke my collar bone for the third time at the age of thirteen in a sledding accident. I almost jumped the creek on my toboggan. Almost.

5. In my sophomore year of high school, I was running from the police after toilet-papering my friends house. I cut through a few yards to escape and hopped a flimsy fence. In mid-air the fence folded in half and I ended up braking my left forearm. The break was so bad I had to have metal plates and screws installed. I got to spend a week in the hospital for this boo boo. My arm still sets off metal detectors today! In case you’re wondering, the police never found me and this is because I couldn’t move after the fall. Nice.

I wish my mother had the United Healthcare app.
It would have saved us a great deal of time!

And believe it or not, I have an in-ground pool in my back yard. I have to fight the temptation to pole vault into the pool with our pool skimmer very single day since watching this darn commercial. I’ve measured it out and have done some math. I think I can nail the jump. I’ll try and get a video.

Oh and one more funny story about broken collar bones…

When you break a collar bone, you get to wear a contraption I call, “The Reverse Bra.” This contraption pulls your shoulders back and helps greatly with the pain. The problem is the straps are tight and rub the skin under your arms raw. To stop this chafing, my mother tapped feminine pads on each strap. One of the pads fell off and slid down my shirt and hit the ground while I was in the hall at school changing classes. 🙁   Imagine being in 8th grade and having this happen to you in front of all your friends?

I still haven’t recovered from this experience.