Time for a little fun!
Since I’m known as the guy who gets prospects to “apply” to become clients, I thought I would share an “Application to Date My Daughter.” Unfortunately, I don’t know who originally wrote this, but it’s great. A friend of mine sent this to me because I have two daughters. Thankfully my daughters aren’t dating yet! I haven’t had to use this, but I might just keep it around for future use. Here it is:
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_________ ____
HEIGHT_____ WEIGHT________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #__________ _ DRIVERS LICENSE #___________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________
HOME ADDRESS______________ CITY/STATE_________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Number of years they have been married ___________________________
If less than your age, explain
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?
Church you attend ___________________________________________
How often you attend ___ ____________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
C: A woman ‘s place is in the:
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature
Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
What questions would you add to this application? Feel free to post them in the comments!