Application to Date My Daughter

Time for a little fun!

Since I’m known as the guy who gets prospects to “apply” to become clients, I thought I would share an “Application to Date My Daughter.” Unfortunately, I don’t know who originally wrote this, but it’s great. A friend of mine sent this to me because I have two daughters. Thankfully my daughters aren’t dating yet! I haven’t had to use this, but I might just keep it around for future use. Here it is:

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_________________________  DATE OF BIRTH_________ ____

HEIGHT_____  WEIGHT________  IQ__________  GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #__________ _  DRIVERS LICENSE #___________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________

HOME ADDRESS______________ CITY/STATE_________  ZIP______

Do you have parents?                         ___Yes  ___No

Number of years they have been married ___________________________

If less than your age, explain
_____________________________________________________________

A. Do you own or have access to a van?         __Yes  __No

B. A truck with oversized tires?      __Yes  __No

C. A waterbed?   __Yes  __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back?      __Yes  __No

E. A  tattoo?     __Yes  __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring,                __Yes  __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY.  I SUGGEST RUNNING.)

In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
_________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?

_________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?

_________________________________________________________

REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________

How often you attend ___ ____________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________

SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_______________________________________________________

C: A woman ‘s place is in the:

_____________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

___________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

__________________________________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

_________________________________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

__________________________     _____________________
Mother’s Signature                                       Father’s Signature
________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi/State Representative/Congressman

Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.  (you might watch your back)

———————————————-
What questions would you add to this application? Feel free to post them in the comments!

15 Comments

  • Renae Bolton

    Reply Reply February 2, 2011

    My father solved this problem for the 4 of his daughters very easily. We didn’t date until we went to college. Case closed. hahahahaha It was very effective.

  • Patti

    Reply Reply June 11, 2010

    How about… Do you have any ambition to go to school, or are you “finding yourself?” Finding yourself out all night, finding yourself sleeping all day, Finding yourself eating at moms to stay alive. Finding that your friends and freedom are more important than to think of my daughters future and secutity. NEXT!!!!

  • andrea

    Reply Reply May 20, 2010

    very cute– something to think about– may use it on my daughter.

  • MNF

    Reply Reply May 19, 2010

    Do you already have any children of your own? How many & how many different mothers?

    • Rob Minton

      Reply Reply May 20, 2010

      Great questions to add! Thanks.

      Rob

  • Jack Girvan

    Reply Reply May 19, 2010

    In lieu of an application a simple conversation.

    “Just wanted to share this with you young man. I cherish my daughter. She means the world to me. I will do anything to protect her from evil, unscrupulous and unethical people. AND,I want you to know I do not mind going back to prison!”

  • Irma D.

    Reply Reply May 19, 2010

    Oh, how people have mellowed over the years! My father used to intimidate any man that came to my house with the intentions of dating one of his 6 daughters! He sabatoged every date I had, as they never came back after the first date! My ex-husband admitted years later that he had to get high just to walk in to my house and face my father. You are a softy! LOL

  • Steve Pawera

    Reply Reply May 18, 2010

    It’s funny – and I bet it could certainly generate traffic.
    Qualified traffic for real estate purposes is anpther matter.
    But then again, everyone lives somewhere, so why not work with someone who has a sense of humor, right?

  • Coleen

    Reply Reply May 18, 2010

    How about- What is your credit score? How much debt do you have and when and how will it all be paid off? Does your current residence have wheels? Do you have all your teeth?

    • Rob Minton

      Reply Reply May 18, 2010

      Coleen,

      I love the question: “Does your current residence have wheels?” Thanks for the laugh!

      Rob

  • Cindy Szponder

    Reply Reply May 18, 2010

    Thanks for a great belly laugh Rob! I “pity the fool” that tries to date your daughter; however, if he passes this application, he’s probably a keeper and an all around good guy.

    Blessings on you and yours,

    Cindy

  • k

    Reply Reply May 18, 2010

    love it and would like to pass it on; may I?

  • Travis Martinez

    Reply Reply May 18, 2010

    Ask for their facebook and myspace login information.

  • Anna Matsunaga

    Reply Reply May 18, 2010

    Did your mother nurse you? If so for how long? ( longer the better)

    What are your intentions in dating my daughter?

    Do you feel you have the maturity to be a good husband and father?

    Are you willing to go through counceling prior to getting married?

    If you are dating you will be expected to always be in public places with a chaperone, is this acceptable to you?

    Are you willing to give up foods that are bad for you, dangerous vices you may have as well as to exercize daily and this includes 20-30 years ago so that you don’t end up leaving my daughter either a widow or having to take care of you?

    When and if you get married and have children are you willing to go through 12 natural childbirth classes and truely train to be her coach during the labor and birth?

    Are you man enough to deliver your own child?

    When and if you get married are you willing to learn enough about the female body that the 2 of you will know when she is fertile or not and be abstinate together when she is fertile?

    Please detail your money management skills.

    Are you willing to work 2 jobs so that she does not have to work full time while raising your children?

    Do you know how to cook, clean and do laundry?

    Are your parents in love with eachother?
    If not who is your model of how you would like your relationship to be?

  • Manuel Couto

    Reply Reply May 18, 2010

    I think you missed the
    1(a). How well can you swim with an anchor around your ankles?

    1(b). Am I confident enough in my running ability that I know I can outrun an arrow shot?

    1(c). “The fleas of a thousand camels” means?-

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