Time for a little fun!
Since I’m known as the guy who gets prospects to “apply” to become clients, I thought I would share an “Application to Date My Daughter.” Unfortunately, I don’t know who originally wrote this, but it’s great. A friend of mine sent this to me because I have two daughters. Thankfully my daughters aren’t dating yet! I haven’t had to use this, but I might just keep it around for future use. Here it is:
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_________ ____
HEIGHT_____ WEIGHT________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #__________ _ DRIVERS LICENSE #___________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________
HOME ADDRESS______________ CITY/STATE_________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Number of years they have been married ___________________________
If less than your age, explain
_____________________________________________________________
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
_________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?
_________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?
_________________________________________________________
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________
How often you attend ___ ____________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would be:
________________________________________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_______________________________________________________
C: A woman ‘s place is in the:
_____________________________________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
___________________________________________________________
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________________________________________
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
__________________________________________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
__________________________ _____________________
Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature
________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi/State Representative/Congressman
Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
———————————————-
What questions would you add to this application? Feel free to post them in the comments!
15 replies to "Application to Date My Daughter"
My father solved this problem for the 4 of his daughters very easily. We didn’t date until we went to college. Case closed. hahahahaha It was very effective.
How about… Do you have any ambition to go to school, or are you “finding yourself?” Finding yourself out all night, finding yourself sleeping all day, Finding yourself eating at moms to stay alive. Finding that your friends and freedom are more important than to think of my daughters future and secutity. NEXT!!!!
very cute– something to think about– may use it on my daughter.
Do you already have any children of your own? How many & how many different mothers?
Great questions to add! Thanks.
Rob
In lieu of an application a simple conversation.
“Just wanted to share this with you young man. I cherish my daughter. She means the world to me. I will do anything to protect her from evil, unscrupulous and unethical people. AND,I want you to know I do not mind going back to prison!”
Oh, how people have mellowed over the years! My father used to intimidate any man that came to my house with the intentions of dating one of his 6 daughters! He sabatoged every date I had, as they never came back after the first date! My ex-husband admitted years later that he had to get high just to walk in to my house and face my father. You are a softy! LOL
It’s funny – and I bet it could certainly generate traffic.
Qualified traffic for real estate purposes is anpther matter.
But then again, everyone lives somewhere, so why not work with someone who has a sense of humor, right?
How about- What is your credit score? How much debt do you have and when and how will it all be paid off? Does your current residence have wheels? Do you have all your teeth?
Coleen,
I love the question: “Does your current residence have wheels?” Thanks for the laugh!
Rob
Thanks for a great belly laugh Rob! I “pity the fool” that tries to date your daughter; however, if he passes this application, he’s probably a keeper and an all around good guy.
Blessings on you and yours,
Cindy
love it and would like to pass it on; may I?
Ask for their facebook and myspace login information.
Did your mother nurse you? If so for how long? ( longer the better)
What are your intentions in dating my daughter?
Do you feel you have the maturity to be a good husband and father?
Are you willing to go through counceling prior to getting married?
If you are dating you will be expected to always be in public places with a chaperone, is this acceptable to you?
Are you willing to give up foods that are bad for you, dangerous vices you may have as well as to exercize daily and this includes 20-30 years ago so that you don’t end up leaving my daughter either a widow or having to take care of you?
When and if you get married and have children are you willing to go through 12 natural childbirth classes and truely train to be her coach during the labor and birth?
Are you man enough to deliver your own child?
When and if you get married are you willing to learn enough about the female body that the 2 of you will know when she is fertile or not and be abstinate together when she is fertile?
Please detail your money management skills.
Are you willing to work 2 jobs so that she does not have to work full time while raising your children?
Do you know how to cook, clean and do laundry?
Are your parents in love with eachother?
If not who is your model of how you would like your relationship to be?
I think you missed the
1(a). How well can you swim with an anchor around your ankles?
1(b). Am I confident enough in my running ability that I know I can outrun an arrow shot?
1(c). “The fleas of a thousand camels” means?-